she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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