I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
