My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
