Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
