Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
