you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
