I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize