He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
