Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
