im drinking this country out of the recession.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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