I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
