Christians are straight up FREAKS
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
