At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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