dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
