Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize