my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
