Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i've created a new STD.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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