I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
