Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Couch. On fire.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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