is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
