so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
