Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
