meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize