i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize