he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
