Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
