Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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