'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
