just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
