I heard we made out
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
