the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
