shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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