girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
