Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
