ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she woke up with a sticky ear
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
