I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
