chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
