Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You can't just leave with hair like that
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
