I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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