I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
