I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
