He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
In America we eat man semen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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