Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
