dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
