We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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