let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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