no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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