theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
