apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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