Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A bitchslap is in order.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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