the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
