Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize