I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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