This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
