I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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