You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
