i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We got so high we made milksteak
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
