my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize