was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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