Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
