There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
