i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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