Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
