About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
