There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
