it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
