oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sext me about skeletons
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
