You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
