No awkward lesbian experiences without me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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