he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
